Archives for posts with tag: sexuality

St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church, pray for us.

As Catholics, we know what love truly is, and romantic love, a subset of this all-encompassing “agape”, must be expressed correctly in order to receive true joy. When we reject correct expression – whether through harboring hatred, deceiving, dishonoring elders, impeding the growth of children, and misusing human sexuality through unorthodox practices, etc – we fall short of how we are designed to live, and society breaks down. Almost everyday you will hear all of those rejections happening in the news. Almost everyday you hear that society is getting worse.

My local parish priest is an interesting case. I believe he use to be part of the military, so you could imagine he is very precise and unwavering. Perhaps you would think he is intimidating, as many in the parish have. When I confessed a lot of things to this priest one day, however, he did something none of my super-liberal, self-professed tolerant ‘friends’ never really did: he listened to me, and he listened to me with the most utmost compassion. I hardly ever went to that parish at that point, mind you. But he listened to me as if he knew me since I was a child.

That is not why I remain devoutly Catholic, because my feelings were not hurt by a good guy. I’m never one to be convinced by emotional pandering. Rather, good knowledge and honest wisdom no matter how you break it will always receive my attention. What he explained to me next was so simple, yet so appealing to my intelligence: live your life correctly, and everything will follow suit.

Many people in today’s world would be at a loss to understand what ‘living life correctly’ entails. Our forefathers of modern society did us a great disservice in leading us to ideologies which are dangerous to our souls. Men such as Friedrich Nietzsche, Sigmund Freud, Immanuel Kant, John Locke, David Hume, and Michel Foucault among many others have poisoned the mind of Western society beyond repair. Many people repeat these mens’ worldviews without even knowing who they were by name or deed. These men have destroyed our society so much that even discerning the good life is considered a futile task, hence “live and let live”. Those uncultured then, live like rabid dogs. Those esteemed, write their own realities hopelessly. All remain stupefied as to why the world cannot find true peace.

Anyway, using the Aristotelean and Thomistic notions of ethical living is simple, if yet very insightful, and a lot of it remains grounded in natural law; that being the derivation of morality and ethical behaviour from understanding how the universe works. To keep on topic, I won’t make an example of Aristotelean or Medieval ethics, but suffice to say, my priest desired me to live chastely. Living chastely does not mean simply abstaining from sexual desire, which is what many caught up in a sex-obsessed world would automatically think. No, to live chastely (or continently) means to control your entire being. It is to practice the cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. It is, in essence, calming your soul, and steering it in the right direction.

And never to downplay Catholic spirituality, my priest told me to go to Confession and receive Holy Communion as often as possible. Again, this is not exclusively because of sexual lusts, but all the sins one can accumulate over a period. Christ instituted these Sacraments for this very reason, for reconciliation with God. It is a shame not many people today receive Holy Communion. It is a shame that those who do receive Holy Communion, do so without going to Confession.

Unlike Protestants and evangelicals who believe their healings happen in one of their emotionalist clown services, it has been an interesting, rocky, but deeply fulfilling path I have taken over the last several years. Not all of it is easy sailing, and I have fallen into old sins more often than not, but I have a greater discernment and zeal for what is right and just, and what the priest has promised me is happening: my soul is definitely stilling. The flip side, of course, is that now that the storm inside of me is withering away, the storm outside of me is increasing tenfold. I would assume many of my peers are starting to find me very irritable, perhaps thinking me overzealous, and even a little crazy. A bit like how the crowds viewed Our Blessed Lord and the Apostles, then.

How living chastely specifically affects my sexuality though, is probably still in the minds of some readers. If it wasn’t clear before, the fact is I’m attracted to both sexes to different degrees. Relationships with both men and women are very difficult for me, which is partly the reason why I don’t get along with virtually anyone (to the few I meet up with on an occasional basis, I can’t thank you enough). I suppose, if I chose to, I could sustain a marriage with a woman ’til death do us part. The tricky bit is that I don’t want to. In fact, over the last year, I’ve been seriously contemplating celibacy. The continence I have developed over the years is becoming sturdier than I imagined, and I hope soon enough that the joy in living the lifestyle St. Paul recommended outpaces all other desires.

I want to call on the intercession of St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church for this one. Augustine too was once a young man plagued with incessant sexual longing, and it was not until he gave up his desire for material glory (good wife, children, wealth, esteem, and so on) did he find true peace and joy. Ironically, he would become one of the most famous men in history.

St. Augustine, pray for us.

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As I write this, the legalisation of same-sex ‘marriage’ in New Zealand has already been passed. I’m not surprised, I’m not shocked. I’m rather sad, but also pretty angry. But most of all I feel lonely. Take a look at this:

I was told many stories of how if one does not conform to this “LGBT movement”, even (or especially) as someone with same-sex attraction, you would be skewered by those that demand ‘tolerance’ and ‘love’. I really did not feel the effects until that great example hit me last night. I apologize for my bad language, but I was really riled up and hurt then. I haven’t officially told everyone I have SSA, so I might have spilled the beans previously. Even so, why would this person continue to ridicule me considering my affliction? The person has not come forward and offered an apology. For that matter, no one else has come forward to offer me consolation, despite filling up the newsfeed with praise and joy for the newly passed Bill. So much for tolerance, love, and compassion from the pro-LGBT crowd huh? If you’re one of those that are reading this and haven’t done as such: firstly, I’m use to it. Secondly, shame on you.

Anyway, the feeling of loneliness is a combination of many things, including then, my sexuality.

I did not grow up in a healthy environment. I’ll spare the details for the sake of my beloved family, but it’s the type of stuff Hollywood writers dare to dream. Being both physically and emotionally distanced from your parents and siblings has a dire effect on your psychology, exacerbated perhaps by pre-existing mental conditions that I have, and the things that have gone on in the last 10 years.

However it came to be, my sexuality failed to develop properly. I felt more at home in the company of women, and always found my male friends a little distant. If the buck stopped there, that would be an easy diagnosis of same-sex attraction. It didn’t, because despite admiring many qualities in men, I could never find myself carnally desiring them. In the company of women, however, chatting as women like to chat, I found that I was attracted to their bodies, even if I couldn’t stand the way women think (I suppose I think too much like a woman to care). I really believed I got away scot-free.

No, things spiraled way out of control. There are things I’ve thought and acted upon that would make NAMbLA blush, and this is not a gossip column anyway. The fact of the matter was, I started questioning the validity of heterodox sexual ideologies.

Because of the way I thought, acted, and felt, I had the slightest feeling that heterodox sexual ideologies simply cannot be alternative, healthy, normal, or even real orientations for that matter. It had to simply be damaged heterosexuality. After all, if it was normal, shouldn’t our bodies follow our orientations? Does a man with same-sex attraction have the ability to impregnate another male, or a woman another woman? Does the same man still have the ability to impregnate a female, and does the same woman have the facilities to be impregnated by a male? If so, why is it not called abnormal to have such an attraction? There is obviously a discord between mind and body, of which it must be an error. If you don’t accept this, you’re living a lie.

It should not have been to my surprise that such a lie was lived from the beginning. The LGBT movement spent three years, from 1969 to 1973, waging war against the American Psychiatric Association to remove homosexuality as a psychological disorder. You heard that right: they removed homosexuality as a disease through militant political propagation, not newfound medical evidence. Check this badge out:

It just screams tolerance, compassion, and love!

And here’s a picture from the notorious conference which changed the LGBT movement forever.

Barbara Gittings, Frank Kameny, and Dr. H. Anonymous.

That’s not a still from a 70’s horror movie, but it could well be. In the middle there is Frank Kameny, who bullied his way into getting the APA to listen, not unlike how the mafia gets their interests heard by the government. And why was Dr. H. Anonymous so scared to reveal himself in front of his peers? Because, let me reiterate: the removal of homosexuality as a psychological disease was never a medical decision, but a political one. See that woman on the left, Barbara Gittings? This is what she had to say about the momentous decision:

“It was never a medical decision – and that’s why I think the action came so fast. After all, it was only three years from the time that feminists and gays first zapped the APA at a behavior therapy session to the time that the Board of Trustees voted in 1973 to approve removing homosexuality from the list of mental disorders. It was a political move.”

From that point on, until today, the LGBT movement has not provided an iota of truth in their cause. It’s full of emotional pandering and political cajoling. You can even read about how they did it in this handy dandy LGBT movement book After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays. Here’s their three step guide to get you in the mood:

  1. Desensitise people to the idea of homosexuality. Throw it out everywhere.
  2. Victimize yourself to get people on your side. Demonize those who oppose you.
  3. Getting your foot in the door is not enough. Simple toleration is unacceptable. Everyone must be converted to the new ideology.

Sounds a little bit tyrannical, doesn’t it? You would think with all this dreadful history, pro-LGBTers would think twice about their movement. The trouble is none of them even know it. None of them seem to want to know it. And this is scary, because such decisions clearly affect people. Furthermore, considering the means in which the agenda has been propagated, common sense will dictate that effect for all parties it won’t be good.

That’s all for Part 1. For Part 2, I will talk more about how I’ve dealt with my defection personally as a devout Catholic.

Not sure who to ask for intercession for this particular case, but someone that seems to always stand by me in times of great duress is St. Philomena, the young virgin-martyr. St. Philomena, powerful with God, pray for us.